Inbetween the Now and the Not-Yet

I always look forward to Easter more than any other holiday. For the past decade or so, it has seemed to take me by surprise, to the point where I think I started to define myself by "Easter is my favorite holiday." One of my favorite topics is the resurrection passages of the gospels, and one of my favorite books the NT Wright 800-page volume on the same subject (don't knock it till you try it!). One of the reasons I was excited about co-teaching a 1 Corinthians Sunday School class was the chance to teach 1 Corinthians 15, the chapter about the resurrection (past and future). And so this year, for the first time in years, Easter surprised me the other way, as being a let-down. Nothing big or huge, or dark-night-of-the-soulish, just "here it comes, there it goes."

It reminds me of the year when I was about, I don't know, 14 or 15, and Christmas presents just weren't the thrill that they used to be. I remember looking around and thinking that Christmas is over and it just wasn't the big deal it used to be. I know that years later, as I explored more theology and music, Christmas came back, and now that it's more about being Santa Claus than waiting for Santa Claus, there are dimensions that are open now that just weren't there before.

So it's not like I'm losing faith or anything, it's just, I wish every Easter could be a 10/10, but this one, probably has to be a 7/10 or something like that. I've just thought about the resurrection and 1 Corithians so much that when the Big Day came, I enjoyed the worship and the message, but didn't feel the earth move under my feet or anything.

I suppose it was less Matthew 28, more Mark 16.

I don't necessarily take this as a sign that something's "wrong." I think some holidays, like some days, are more like you expect than others, and sometimes your expectations just don't happen. Sometimes God's right there, and sometimes He's more subtle. People like Richard Dawkins complain because they can't objectively detect God with their instruments, that there's no 10 commandments carved on the moon for all to see, or anything undeniable like that. All I know is it seems to be in God's personality, or some theological necessity, for God to be distant or difficult at times, for the future promises to be more "wait a while for that" rather than fully realized right here, right now. I think He teaches us to be OK with that. Anything, even Christmas, even Easter, can become a substitute for Him, can be idolized.

So Happy Easter Monday. In Italy they're rolling the cheeses, in England they have a Bank Holiday, and here I've got a new week of teaching and writing to do, so best to get on with it. I know I'll see God's hand in many ways this week, but I can't say for sure exactly how it will come, maybe not with trumpets or rushing wind but maybe with a still small voice. No way to find out but to do the experiment.

The sower comes by morning to scatter light like seed
But clouds are round about you, shadows veil your eyes
And when we come as children, you give us all we need
Clouds are round about you, shadows veil your eyes
Shadows veil your eyes